Letter to My Younger Self: For Something Bigger

By Zion Moimoi.

Dear Lil Z,

You’re about to walk into high school thinking you got everything figured out, but the truth is, you don’t. You’re carrying pain, anger, fear, and emotions you never learned how to talk about. You’re going to stay quiet a lot. You’re going to act like nothing bothers you, but deep down, everything will. You’ll have an attitude with people who care about you because you won’t know how to express what you really feel.

One thing I wish you understood earlier is that you never really gave God your time. You prayed only when things went wrong, but you never truly listened. You blocked blessings because you doubted yourself so much. You never believed you were capable of becoming something bigger. You let fear and negativity control your mind.

Garfield High School is going to feel unsafe for you. Every day, you’ll walk through those halls carrying tension in your chest. You’ll feel like you always have to look over your shoulder. After what happens to your brother during the middle of your freshman year, your view of life will completely change. 

When Amarr Ashawn Murphy-Pain lost his life to gun violence during the middle of your freshman year, it broke something inside you. He wasn’t just a friend. He was your brother. Someone you laughed with, someone who understood you, someone who was supposed to still be here. Losing him hurt in ways you couldn’t explain. You tried to hide the pain and act strong, but the truth is, you were hurting every single day.

After his death, the violence around Garfield only made everything worse. Hearing about more shootings and more violence made you feel trapped and unsafe. It felt like the world around you was dark, and for a while, you started believing that darkness would always follow you.

But God had a different plan for you.

Even in the middle of pain, He was still guiding your path.

Sophomore year ended up being your best football season. Even while carrying grief, fear, and pressure, you pushed yourself harder than ever. Football became more than a sport to you. It became an escape, a way to release anger, pain, and emotion. Every time you stepped on that field, you proved to yourself that you were stronger than what you had been through.

Then came one of the biggest changes of your life: transferring to O’Dea High School.

At first, you didn’t know what to expect. You walked in guarded, quiet, and unsure of yourself.

But the moment you got there, everything felt different. People greeted you with respect. They welcomed you with open arms. Coaches, students, teammates, everybody showed love.

For the first time in a long time, you understood the true meaning of brotherhood.

O’Dea changed you.

Being surrounded by positive people helped you realize you didn’t always have to be angry or closed off. You learned that being strong doesn’t mean hiding your emotions. It means facing them. It means growing from them.

That school helped rebuild your faith too.

You started thanking God instead of only talking to Him when life got hard. You started reading the Bible more and giving Him your time. You began accepting the blessings He had been trying to place in your life all along. Slowly, your relationship with God became stronger every day.

You also started believing in yourself.

Not just in football, but in your dreams outside of it too.

You finally committed yourself to the things you truly love. Football became your passion, and music became your voice. Instead of hiding your emotions, you started putting them into your music. Releasing your first song, “HATERZ” featuring TrillzMolo4, was more than just dropping music. It was proof that you stopped being afraid to put yourself out there.

And now your music is out on all platforms.

That younger version of you who stayed silent, doubted himself, and pushed everybody away would never believe how far you’ve come.

You still have growing to do. Life still gets hard. There are still days when pain tries to creep back in. But now you know you’re never alone.

God was with you through every loss. He was with you during every practice. He was with you during every sleepless night. He was with you when you felt unsafe. And He’s still with you now.

If I could tell you one thing before you walk into high school, it would be this: Stop doubting yourself. Stop hiding your emotions. Stop acting like you don’t care. And stop running from God.

You’re stronger than you think. You’re meant for bigger things. And your story doesn’t end with pain.

One day, you’re going to win a football state championship. The same achievement Amarr always wanted. And when that moment comes, understand it won’t only be for yourself. You’ll win it for him, too.

Every practice, every hit, every sacrifice, every tear, you’ll carry his name with you through it all evetime you'll step onto that field you'll say, "For YANKS".

That championship will mean more than a trophy. It’ll be a promise kept to your brothers including your older brother. You’ll also do it for your family, for every sacrifice they made to help you keep going, and for your older brother who lost the love for football. You’ll carry all of them with you every time you step on that field, making sure the dream never dies.

Keep chasing your dreams. Keep your faith strong. Keep your brothers close. And never forget where you came from.

Say Luv,

BigZ